WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF THE COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE?
The team concept benefits the clients and the whole family by:
Allowing maximum input of information needed to make good decisions
Sharing knowledge is how things get done. When people get
together,
interact, and talk, they achieve results
Providing an
open, non-judgmental process that will accommodate
changing circumstances as the family grows and changes after the
divorce
The clients are able to see techniques to respond
to anger, grief, fear and
other feelings without allowing these feelings to drive the dispute-
resolution process.
Helping the clients learn to recognize, understand and
accept that their feelings are present but that they should articulate their real needs and interests instead of feelings
which interfere with progress
Tough problems can be solved
through adaptation when impasses
are reached. This requires the clients to get outside of their past
roles and
to find new ways to listen and learn-to develop new ways of knowing, by partnering with the other party to help create new
possibilities, compromises, and creative alternatives.
Providing
resources so clients can listen and understand the needs and goals of each other without dwelling on the past
All of the members of the team engage in coaching. They
encourage
the clients to work as an integral part of the team.
Coaching is designed to create the possibility for new and different
results. The team allows clients to question and clarify their true priorities and facilitate the parties to distill and expand
their thinking about how each client must help the other meet their collective priorities together
Creating an atmosphere for negotiations that lets the clients retain the
residual core of positive connection for those with children who will share
life milestones in the future or for
those without children who still might
share a deep bond with the extended family of the ex-spouse or just want
to be allowed to remember the value of the past and part with respect and
dignity
Creating an environment that fosters feelings of human decency
and self respect
Clients often leave the collaborative divorce process having learned how to compromise, how to see the needs of others,
experience success, learn new problem-solving techniques and better communication skills, feel optimism that together they
can work in the future for a new type of family relationship and be better at co-parenting.
LITIGATION
A
complaint for divorce begins the legal process in the courts. The system pits lawyer against lawyer as gladiator for his or
her client often seeking a "win at all cost." The continuing conflict is aggravated by the existing painful emotions
of the clients and the slow pace of the court system which determines the length of the case since a judge may be called upon
to make many decisions. Clients and lawyers usually have to go to court on numerous occasions, legal costs begin to soar and
children often suffer as conflict escalates. Confidential financial and personal matters become public record and open to
public scrutiny. A judge divides property and establishes custodial provisions using standards required by statute but which
may not meet your family's individualized needs. Negotiations all too often take place in crowded courthouses under intense
pressure since most cases settle, but only after damage has been done and substantial costs have been incurred.
MEDIATION
Mediation involves the use of a third party neutral to facilitate negotiation and attempt to bring two parties in
conflict to a mutually agreeable settlement. Mediation encourages collaborative efforts towards problem-solving, however the
neutral cannot give legal advice, be an advocate for one party or the other, or propose a possible outcome. It is the mediator's
function to monitor the needs of each participant so that negotiating occurs with as much relevant knowledge and information
as possible but the mediator does not make sure that both participants are completely honest, open and forthcoming with financial
information. If the two participants do not have equal bargaining skills, are not both equally ready emotionally for the divorce,
or have equal power in the relationship, the mediator does not attempt to equalize these characteristics. Mediators usually
continue the negotiations until a satisfactory solution is reached but parties can always walk out of mediation and proceed
to litigate.
AVOID BEING PULLED INTO THE WHIRLPOOL OF THE COURT
SYSTEM
CHOOSE COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE, THE NO COURT ALERNATIVE
